New Outlook Points To Facebook

Well, this new outlook that I am riding has taken me to Facebook. I had the desire to find some people from my past (and even some in the present) and decided what the hell - let's give it a try. Signed up the other night and have a handful of friends so far and see a bunch of people that will not make it onto my friends list for one reason or another.

I gotta say that is a neat place to be, but the amount of information seems overwhelming and some of the stuff that is posted is just trash. I need to figure out how to delete the stuff I don't care about (like the games and surveys and such) and leave the stuff that is somewhat interesting to me.

I will give it some time to see if it connects me to some more interesting people and if not, I can at least say I gave it a try.

To sum up everything thus far: new meds = better outlook, better outlook = Facebook, and new lenses = seeing better. The equation continues to be more interesting as I go. "Looking" forward to what is coming next!

New Eyes To Go With The New Outlook

Today I got me some new eyes. Well, not physically, but I guess you could say I did get new physical lenses (contacts, that is). My old set was becoming outdated, so it was time for a refresh.

I have had them in since about 4:00 today, and I like them. They are not the same ones I had before, as they are considered 30-day lenses and not 2-week ones. I can leave them in for up to a month at a time, but my doc recommended taking them out once a week to clean and let my eyes rest. I was gonna go for the multiple optics (that have close, far, and medium distance built-in), but they would have run me about $250. Needless to say, I changed my mind!

So, in short, what I have learned so far is new meds = better outlook, and new lenses = seeing better. I can't wait to see what I will learn next...

Bye for now!

Playing Poker With Drunk People Sucks

So my poker game last night was ruined when I got stuck sitting at the"Retard Table" (and the people at the table gave it that name. A combination of rednecks and gallons of beer did not make for a fun evening.

I do know that when I drank, I could be pretty stupid every now and then, but I was not ALWAYS clueless, scattered, and rude when I played poker. There are rules and some sort of etiquette, which last night were trampled into the garage floor.

I finished 6 out of a field of 12, so I did OK. I think I would have done better if the people at the table were not so irritating. That is all I got to say about that.

Poker - A Therapeutic Escape

I love it when an unexpected poker game is announced on my block! Got a phone call from BBQ Bob this morning asking if I can come out and play cards tonight. Luckily I had no other plans and I was able to say "yes".

That got me thinking about why I like to play the game of poker. I decided that it is somewhat therapeutic (Google tells me this is the correct spelling but it looks wrong) because being surrounded most of the time by estrogen-tempered females it is nice to hang with the guys and wade in the testosterone pool every so often. At home it is 4 against 1 (if I include our dog Molly), and at work it is 4 against 3 in my group. I find it rejuvenating to be able to burp and fart as loud as possible (and get rated for the effort) and tell the meanest, nastiest, and most tasteless jokes possible - things that a woman just would not tolerate. Of course the inhalation of smoke seems to make things nice too - cigars or cigarettes only of course - and seems to complete the male bonding experience. It feels good to go back to being 10-years-old again, just for a few hours, to remember what it is like to not care about the world and its problems, and just be a boy.

Tonight's festivities will take the form of a Hold-'Em tournament, so females are permitted to sit and play in what is usually a guys-only sandbox. You see, sometimes it is nice to invite girls over - just like we did when we were 10.

A New Outlook

The first thing that I really want to mention is a new, refreshing (for me at least) outlook on things. For about a month now I have been on a new series of meds to help keep the chemistry set that is my brain somewhat balanced - and would you believe it is actually working? Holy shit - my luck is changing after all!

I had tried many different things over the past few decades, and this combination seems to have hit the proverbial nail on the head. The person that prescribed this potion actually took the time to explain my disease (not sure if I really believe that word for it) with pictures and words (I do much better with pictures sometimes) and I understood what was happening to me. She then went down the list of symptoms, and was pretty confident in the diagnosis of "major depression". I knew this was the case all along, but to hear it after getting the explanation I was ready to accept it.

Thankfully there are no side effects like there with the other chemicals I tried. The only thing I need to work on is sleep and vivid horrific nightmares that have twice now awoken me while verbalizing a yell or scream. Glad to say I got a pill for that today, so I am keeping my fingers crossed on this. I will let you know how that goes after a some time passes.

Like the title of this post suggests, I am developing a new outlook on life. Not a major shift to magical fairy land or Nirvana, but a positive spin on what I used to condemn as total shit or bullshit (what a shitty way to think, no?). Getting up in the morning is no longer such a chore. Going to work is not such a dreadful experience. Being at work is not the torturous, stressful, homicidal-fantasizing ordeal. Being at home is not the place to contemplate permanent departure from this so-called life. Things are looking up all over. Smiling has become more natural and not forced. Laughing and joking is making a comeback (and lots of people have told me it is nice to see "me" again). I feel lighter, and my eyes are clearer and brighter. Music holds a special place of pleasure for me again. Planning a peaceful garden for the backyard has taken the place of wishing for (or expecting) disaster.

In my mind, I am not the victim anymore - just a person whose chemistry set inside my head needed a few missing ingredients to bring it into balance. So far, so good. Come back soon for another installment. If you have any suggestions for topics, drop me a line and I will see what I can come up with. Till next time, may your smiles be genuine and may the joke you hear lighten you heart...

It Has Been Awhile, No?

I was just poking around some of my favorite haunts on the web and remembered this old, dusty relic and decided to stop in for a visit to see what was shakin'. As expected, not much. No news, no visitors, and no real sign of any life. But that is OK. Maybe it is time to start the flow of words and thoughts again now that I am feeling somewhat better.

So, new thoughts, new words, new font (hey, whatever it takes, right?) and hopefully a new audience will find something interesting here to see. If not, no biggie. At least I will be entertained and possibly even feel better unloading some of these things into the ether...

Come back in a few days for more - I can't promise any words of wisdom or anything like that, but it will be something.

A New OUTLOOK, A New Look

Welcome to my newly revamped blog - the colors and the topics will give some indication as to what that outlook is.

My outlook on things and life in general has taken a downward turn, and a lot of the things I believed are turning out as nonsense. Answers to my questions have become lies, and the foundation I had started to rebuild on has turned to sand.

What does this mean? I really don't know. Can't wait to find out what the truth REALLY is...